AND, crash...

So, it's true. You do crash down after having taken hormones and then abruptly stopping. And, boy it's not fun.  I guess this is the case for folks who have undergone miscarriages, post-partum depression and the likes.   I feel emotionally vulnerable! I feel like I pick up every little ounce of energy from everyone! I feel like doom and gloom.... I. Feel.

I recognize I have to work on managing my emotional crash...I have to figure out what triggers it. It's not to say that I didn't have some level of emotional imbalance prior to the meds, but that there is some balancing that I need to work on to get it together all around.  Most importantly. I have to get it together or my wife is going to HATE me!  LOL...

At the end of the day, while doing some Google research, I am reassured that this feeling of deep, dark "something" will slowly go away as time goes on. The hormones will finally settle down a little, and I will feel a little less overwhelmed, emotionally. All I could say right now is that the hormone crash is awful, so I'm saddened for anyone else that has, is and will go through it. As I read earlier in another blogger's post, "...strive to be gentle with yourself, cry if needed and look for things to be thankful for or take comfort with in life, even little things..." And so, I will do that.  I wholeheartedly will do my best to be gentle on me and the rest of the world. 

Lessons learned...rabmblings

Choosing the right Fertility Center is like buying a house, a car & getting a degree ALL balled up into one experience on the same day.  This choice can dictate the potential for your future.. like, the power mostly lies on their hands.  That's big! I mean, HUGE!

Thanks to Google, it is much easier these days to look up center's based on proximity to your home, their stats (successful IVF, live births, age ratios), their docs, their acceptability level....all sorts of things. Another keen aspect was becoming public with our quest.  Indeed, we didn't know how many folks have gone through similar situations if we hadn't asked...(or started blogging about it). We have friends who are same-sex parents that were willing to share their stories of TTC, while having other parenting friend who went through the IVF process who were more than willing to hear EVERYTHING out.

Our decision came down to several things..insurance acceptance, inclusivity of both parents in the process, success rates, and overall cost (and, believe me this last one is a big deal).  Other things that didn't jump out immediately at us, but are super helpful in hindsight:

1. - communication etiquette (not only how open and willing they are to speak to us about the process, but how much they tell us without us having to ask...); 
2. - ability to work with you beyond a successful or failed IVF process (what are they willing to work with you on if your IVF isn't a success?  How much do they support you beyond a positive test?); 
3. - ability to engage in a supportive culture (like.. is there staff and/or space inviting?  is bed-side manner from your nurse or doctor important to you? do they support use of alternative meds for conceiving - if that's important to you?); 
4. - size acceptance (YES, that is real!  Being a plus-sized person, this was a HUGE concern to me because some providers won't work with plus-size individuals); and,
5. - age acceptance (due to higher failed IVF rates among older females, some centers don't want to work with women over 35).

Tidbits that help....

• Be an active part of your process! Look things up on the internet and talk to friends that are going though similar experiences. 
• Don't be afraid to ask...Ask about your hormone levels?  Ask what things mean? What's in the contracts?  What needs to happen for suceess?  What happens next? What doesn't happen next?  
• COST SAVER- when meds are concerned, ask the pharmacy you are purchasing your meds from if they have a sell-back or return policy.. this is super important.  Additionally, as you may know, meds are EXTREMELY expensive.  Make sure to look through your Center's blog site.  Many times, there are individuals who are selling  or, even better, giving away their meds.  Ask them to give them to you! 
• Don't give up!  Find ways to make this happen FOR YOU.  If you don't succeed and can figure the means to do it again, DO IT AGAIN!

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ON A SIDE NOTE: 

Oh... one last thing... if you are so inclined to, we are NOT giving up on our hope.  We are just readjusting and fine tuning at the moment.  This requires money and as you heard me say before, we are completely out.  I've added a DONATE button to our site... as you know, this will help fund IVF # 2 or whatever decision we make to HAVE A BABY.  Please support us as you wish... ever $1 and cent helps us re-get to our goal.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!  That's all we've got. 

Cocktail, anyone?

When we lived in Vegas, that's probably the most common phrase we heard while hanging at the Casinos...."Cocktails, anyone?" Now, that phrase has a totally different meaning...It includes a number of medications, appropriate timing, and various injection sites for two very baby-happy people.

For our first try we've been asked to do an Estrogen Priming Protocol. This regimen is usually used for women who have a lower ovarian reserve, are higher in age (35+), who may not respond the greatest with the standard meds, and/or tend to ovulate very early and have problems with lead follicles developing before stimulation.  It's a two menstruation cycle process, where during month 1 Sujey went to get BW & U/S on day one of her cycle followed by a tracking of LH (hormone) surge and ovulation. Once she surged (and then ovulated) we had to count 10 days from that surge (1/1/14) and start on the Vivelle Estrogen patches.  The idea is to give the body about 5-7 days of Estrogen Priming to help the ovaries suppress FSH and preserve egg production before the next menstrual cycle.  The day following she started Garnarelix injections for 3 days to keep from producing FSH.

A few days after the start of estrogen and Garnarelix and Sujey has her period for menstrual cycle #2 [I've never been this excited for any menstrual cycle in my life!!]!  Thus the fun begins.... We both get blood tested on day 2 of her cycle [She for hormone & repro checking..and, I have been maintaining the use of Estradiol to keep my uterine lining at a steady place, thus the doc has to measure the progress of my lining, keeping it fresh & sticky before the transplant].  From here on out Sujey's cocktail regimen is as follows for about 10-12 days:

Gonal-F (a.m.) - 2 days+

Gonal-F (p.m.) - 3 days+

Menopur (p.m.) - 3 days?

hCG (p.m.) - 3 days?

Garnirelix (maybe for another 3 nights)

On the day of the egg retrieval, I start my Doryx (2x/day) - 4 days, Medrol - 4 days, and progesterone for about 12 weeks.... which will include up to our 8th week of pregnancy if everything goes as wanted with a pregnancy on our first try! Somewhere in there the egg & sperm will meet and the magical transfer will occur into my uterus.  WOW!!!!

Sooooooo... Here's to a few days of cocktails with different benefits than the ones we enjoyed in Vegas, but with much greater lasting effects!

       

Lucky #26

Thus far, we've had...

• baselines appointments that include a plethora of blood tests and trans-vaginal ultrasounds [it is a fact now that more physicians have seen my vagina than any other person...oh and trans-vaginal ultrasounds are a procedure where they insert a long probe into your vagina to see all your reproductive organs in much better view than standard U/S] at 7:00 a.m.
• blood tests that nearly knocked me (Laz) out [2-hr blood glucose challenges are not fun & potentially deadly! apparently, my sugar drops instead of spikes]
• a therapy counseling session; taken a month+ worth of estrogen and progesterone (Laz)
• are taking about 8 natural supplements & 2 herbal teas; had a medication instruction class
• signed countless documents [did you know that fertility clinics ask what your intention is with any eggs stored in case of death of you, your partner or both? crazy, right!?!]
• searched/gawked over/purchased sperm
• purchased 11 fertility meds (Laz & Sujey) that will help with Sujey's egg retrival & assist with prepping my lining for transfer
• have preemptively started taking pre-natal yoga [yes, I already mentioned i was crazy! Don't judge me...] waited on countless phone calls
• have become frustrated at the length of this process
• and, are FINALLY ready for cycle #1.

Next off; "Cocktails, please!"  Happy New Year to us, indeed!

Post in Pictures...

Our journey, thus far.... in five pictures (give or take)!

1. Inspiration

2.  Infinite Blood Tests

3. Goofy Wife & Trans-V Ultrasounds

4. A Plethora of Injections 

5. Sperm Donor Selection Jeopardy