Anxiety and Pregnancy

Did you know that 5 to 16 percent of pregnant women actually have anxiety disorders (1)? Not too many folks talk about anxiety pre-, during, and post pregnancy. Pregnancy & birth is most often depicted as this glorious and beautiful, inviting event that is culminated by rainbows, flowers, a showering of happiness and all sorts of other frilly BS. But, what about some of the dark sides of TTC, pregnancy & baby having? What happens to those of us who have/suffer from anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues?

I write this because as we move throughout our progress, I question my ability to cope throughout the pregnancy and beyond without much knowledge of what is available for me... WHAT THE F@$% CAN I DO TO COPE?!?  I suffer from lower-risk anxiety attacks "every-so-often."  What that means is that, while they typically don't require medication to control, I also don't always know when they are about to come on. I certainly can't go back to what used to be my default of smoking cigarettes or drinking (which scientifically, I recognize that this may have been contributing to an increase in my surges).

I have read that medication is bad, but some might be ok... I have read that cognitive behavioral treatment is exceptionally wonderful... I have read that anxiety sometimes subsides during pregnancy due to a regulation of hormones (particularly in females like myself who have had a depletion or absence of hormone for over 10 years).  I have read many many things, but nothing that is set in stone around potential remedies.

I suppose where I could start is to actually acknowledge that the anxiety is real and that it won't take over my entire being.  I can talk about what I feel with loved ones... I can actually look into getting professional support from a reproductive therapist (did you know they had those?).  I will get through the ride even if it may not always be with smooth waters. And while all is possible, I will remember that I am not alone.

1 - Tartakovsky, M. (2012). 4 Facts About Anxiety During Pregnancy & How to Find Help. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 5, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/19/4-facts-about-anxiety-during-pregnancy-how-to-find-help/

Passing Time

Here are some pics that I find LOVELY... thought you might too [I promise we'll post more substantial info soon. We're just coasting and progressing.. nothing much to report]. 

 

 

(Possible) Pregnancy after the BIG C word

I think most of you know that I am a survivor of having both my ovaries removed, along with my Fallopian tubes, due to low grade Ovarian Cancer tumors... thus the major contributor in choosing to go through a reciprocal-IVF process.   In addition to not having ovaries or fallopian tubes, I can't naturally produce hormones like other females do.  Inevitably, all of this leads to some level of questioning my ability to carry a pregnancy full-term.  Mind you, I'm not even there yet, but I AM WORRIED!

AND...so, I did it.  I did a preliminary search on Google to see what other ovarian cancer survivors have done to sustain their pregnancies.  Ummmm, the results I got were astonishing, though not exactly comforting [just yet], mostly because there's still not much info available on this anomaly.   What I did find was a recurring story of the world's first woman who becomes pregnant after a double ovary removal... dates for September 2013 in Australia!!!!  WHAT???!!!!!!!  NO other woman has ever become pregnant after having both ovaries removed?  I am not sure I believe that.  Because, then that means I may be woman number TWO in the world... Is that possible?

It turns out that the use of donor eggs in women who have had their ovaries removed wasn't medically introduced until 1983, in Australia.  That's only 30 years ago! Even then, not much research was done to support evidence that this was a true possibility.  It turns out that I am not the 2nd person on the planet who has TTC without ovaries, but either way there aren't many cases overall.  So much so, that even Google---the world's most brilliant researcher (LOL)-- is stumped by my question.

Anyhow... after asking our nurse & doctor (which is what I should have done in the first place) this same question, we found out that beginning at around 7wks gestation, the placenta will begin to make the estrogen and progesterone required to support pregnancy all on its own. COOL!!! Prior to my discharge from our Center, they will wean me off our current estrogen & progesterone meds to make sure my levels are stable. If not stable by time for discharge, I will be sent to our OB on more oral estrogen and/or progesterone. The OB will tell me when to stop it until the beginning of the 2nd trimester.

SO that's that... all's well that ends well.  It would have been nice if I was possibly number 2, but for now I will settle on having the ability to get to the finish line. The body is definitely a fascinating machine.  More info soon......

Most recent birth case (2013): 

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/sep/03/woman-pregnant-after-ovaries-removed-breakthrough

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/woman-pregnant-no-ovaries_n_3867239.html

Reflection

7:43a.m.
Driving in fog, not being able to see the distance
Reflections of the unknown
felt, yet not seen
The life beat...
The loss and the yearning to recreate the life it came from
Longing for what I've not even met before
Not bad, yet not good
but there's progress...
holding hands with hope
with a belief in miracles
anticipated and awaiting a sign
of what WILL come in the near future

Mantra

Interestingly enough when I was looking for an image that could capture my thoughts today I found this one. Warrior, two-spirited, odd pregnancy, story...FASCINATING!

So, the story goes like this... It started with the battle of Archimage & Boneyard in 451 A.D. Archimage enlist Lukasz as one of his "Twelve knights of Archimage" against Boneyard...some fighting happens in between and in a final desperate attempt to take down Boneyard, Archimage cast Lukasz into a different body; a body rich in sorcerous ability, providing him the ability to enhance other mystical talents. That body belonged to an attractive woman name Eden Blake. This being could now gain mystical armor and sword by intoning the word "mantra", which becomes her Ultraheroine name (1).  And so...

Mantra's seems to have the same underlying, mystical powers in the comic life and in the real life.  I could only hope that by repeating my now personal mantra, I, too will gain what I want from my magical call...

yummy eggs, sticky walls

yummy eggs, sticky walls

yummy eggs, sticky walls

Ohm......

1 - Source: http://www.comicvine.com/mantra/4005-14087/

Wanderlust

Sometimes I feel debilitated by the fear that I soon might have a life form in me...
and then I see an image of or read a story about a baby and my eyes and heart
become filled with tears.

Perhaps it is the unknown new beginning that I fear...
I create this desire to wander back and forth through the next ten months
to know that everything will be alright
or maybe what scared me the most is the fact that everything I believe
will spill over into another creature
intentionally or not.

We'll see what comes of it
of these feelings and of my fear
but here's to new beginnings
no matter what they might bring

Cocktail, anyone?

When we lived in Vegas, that's probably the most common phrase we heard while hanging at the Casinos...."Cocktails, anyone?" Now, that phrase has a totally different meaning...It includes a number of medications, appropriate timing, and various injection sites for two very baby-happy people.

For our first try we've been asked to do an Estrogen Priming Protocol. This regimen is usually used for women who have a lower ovarian reserve, are higher in age (35+), who may not respond the greatest with the standard meds, and/or tend to ovulate very early and have problems with lead follicles developing before stimulation.  It's a two menstruation cycle process, where during month 1 Sujey went to get BW & U/S on day one of her cycle followed by a tracking of LH (hormone) surge and ovulation. Once she surged (and then ovulated) we had to count 10 days from that surge (1/1/14) and start on the Vivelle Estrogen patches.  The idea is to give the body about 5-7 days of Estrogen Priming to help the ovaries suppress FSH and preserve egg production before the next menstrual cycle.  The day following she started Garnarelix injections for 3 days to keep from producing FSH.

A few days after the start of estrogen and Garnarelix and Sujey has her period for menstrual cycle #2 [I've never been this excited for any menstrual cycle in my life!!]!  Thus the fun begins.... We both get blood tested on day 2 of her cycle [She for hormone & repro checking..and, I have been maintaining the use of Estradiol to keep my uterine lining at a steady place, thus the doc has to measure the progress of my lining, keeping it fresh & sticky before the transplant].  From here on out Sujey's cocktail regimen is as follows for about 10-12 days:

Gonal-F (a.m.) - 2 days+

Gonal-F (p.m.) - 3 days+

Menopur (p.m.) - 3 days?

hCG (p.m.) - 3 days?

Garnirelix (maybe for another 3 nights)

On the day of the egg retrieval, I start my Doryx (2x/day) - 4 days, Medrol - 4 days, and progesterone for about 12 weeks.... which will include up to our 8th week of pregnancy if everything goes as wanted with a pregnancy on our first try! Somewhere in there the egg & sperm will meet and the magical transfer will occur into my uterus.  WOW!!!!

Sooooooo... Here's to a few days of cocktails with different benefits than the ones we enjoyed in Vegas, but with much greater lasting effects!

       

Lucky #26

Thus far, we've had...

• baselines appointments that include a plethora of blood tests and trans-vaginal ultrasounds [it is a fact now that more physicians have seen my vagina than any other person...oh and trans-vaginal ultrasounds are a procedure where they insert a long probe into your vagina to see all your reproductive organs in much better view than standard U/S] at 7:00 a.m.
• blood tests that nearly knocked me (Laz) out [2-hr blood glucose challenges are not fun & potentially deadly! apparently, my sugar drops instead of spikes]
• a therapy counseling session; taken a month+ worth of estrogen and progesterone (Laz)
• are taking about 8 natural supplements & 2 herbal teas; had a medication instruction class
• signed countless documents [did you know that fertility clinics ask what your intention is with any eggs stored in case of death of you, your partner or both? crazy, right!?!]
• searched/gawked over/purchased sperm
• purchased 11 fertility meds (Laz & Sujey) that will help with Sujey's egg retrival & assist with prepping my lining for transfer
• have preemptively started taking pre-natal yoga [yes, I already mentioned i was crazy! Don't judge me...] waited on countless phone calls
• have become frustrated at the length of this process
• and, are FINALLY ready for cycle #1.

Next off; "Cocktails, please!"  Happy New Year to us, indeed!