I guess I wouldn't say we've been idling or standing still, but we definitely have had to slow down in our approaches to life and examine how it is we want to get where we are going...not just with baby-making, but with everything. Most notably with TTC, we're still looking for donations through PayPal (Button on the home page of this blog) and GoFundMe (http://www.gofundme.com/PGbabymakingfund), as well submitting a few grants and doing major planning on how to make this baby-thing work!!!
Partially what has prompted me (Laz) to write today is the fact that I received an email from Kat McNally asking all other bloggers of the universe to join her in April Moon, a reflective writing challenge for 14 days.... so, I reflect for the next 14 days (Bear with me). I suppose this is timely as we approach the one year mark of my mom's passing, Easter (in the Christian, faith-based sense of the holiday), baby-making progress, and, well, just life.
Today's reflective word is COURAGE.
My heart starts to race because I can't think of my own courage. Actually, I thought of the Wizard of Oz's Cowardly Lion. I struggle to picture what courage looks like. I scroll through images in my brain of life events and courage doesn't stop at any one mark. I'm scared I forgot to bookmark it! I have no recollection. Perhaps, the issue is my fundamental understanding of courage or how I define courage. Or maybe it's that every one of my life events have been based on courage and so they are a big cluster. I struggle to determine if acknowledging that I HAVE been courageous is vain or if the fact that I can't figure out is some form of modesty.
Vastly, I find that it takes courage to face life everyday. It takes courage to wake up every morning... it takes courage to communicate... it takes courage to see things through different lenses; to accept that no matter how life pans out, we are present and are supposed to be present in these very moments. It takes courage to allow your self to sit in those moments and believe in what it is and possibly what it could be. Courage looks like a massive light coming from the heart and stepping up. Courage is big... and, I guess, often un-acknowledged. Perhaps the bigger challenge of the day is that I do not know how I feel... and it takes courage to say it out loud.
I acknowledge my unknown courage!!! I acknowledge my past courageous self and my future courageous self, as they may be different. I say it here, today. Thank you for being courageous, Laz.. Thank you for being able to face the world in some form, every day. Thank you to everyone else in my life who has allowed me to be courageous. Please continue to support that.
That's my reflection for the day. Oh and, how does this all relate to baby-making... well, it takes courage to try and want to bring a being into this world..put everything on the line to do so. It takes courage to want to do that with another being...your life partner.. particularly when you are unsure of what life has to offer, at times. How's that for courage??? <3
The word "courage" caused almost the same reaction for me. It was almost a panic attack. *sigh* But I think we came to the same conclusions. I find the small acts of courage - the getting out of bed each day, the deciding to give it a go regardless of how terrible we feel about it in the moment - I think those are what allow us to ultimately commit the large acts that we readily acknowledge as courageous...and perhaps heroic.
ReplyDeleteAnd you ARE courageous to be willing to put everything on the line for baby-making. Thus far, even though my husband and I talk about having a baby, we are not willing to invest ourselves fully. I'm too afraid of failing, and as long as we aren't fully in, then not getting pregnant isn't a symbol of my failing. I'm not sure I'll ever be the brave, so you have my respect and admiration.
Jen - Pierced Wonderings
Thank you for your kind, beautiful words, Jen. It's interesting how I feel that I recognize courage in others... when I was writing this, I initially automatically went to thinking of my mother. I recognized her courage in moving to a new country not knowing anything/anyone... I recognized her courage when she faced cancer... I recognized her courage most when she faced death, as she did with such grace and poise. Those things are not what I recall as my strength... so very different. Anyhow, I am excited to continue reading other's thoughts and prompts. Happy writing to you!!!
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