Shhhh.... Day 10

So, what's your dirty little secret?  Actually, I really don't want to know; but it's fun to say that particular phrase.... Today's prompt for reflection is SECRET. It's funny because not all secrets are dirty or even forbidden, but that's where my mind goes to.  When I think of this word of think of the lyrics by The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret. I think I might have to directly to answering the prompt questions for this one, because otherwise I could probably write a book on experiences and events that involve all the secrets I've heard throughout my life.

What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?

The word secret evokes such interesting feelings in me. I makes me think of gossip, of celebrations, of surprises, of embarrassing moments... particularly, of an event that taught me a HUGE lesson in the 6th grade.  The word secret makes my nose twitch in that I Dream of Genie way...and, my finger wiggle like a mad scientist who has discovered an anecdote...LOL.  I find some secrets to be fun - especially when it involves happy moments; but mostly, I find secrets so DAMN FRUSTRATING.  They irk me and make me feel uncomfortable and cause me anxiety (seriously).    

About that story from the 6th grade:  Back in the day, was "friends" with a few young girls that I would now call misfits.  One of these friends, we'll name her "R," told me a fabricated secret about another friend, "S".  R made up this elaborate tale about the whereabouts and lifestyle of S, instigating matters and flat-out talking trash.  I could care less about what was happening, seeming that I had enough things happening at that young age, and apparently R didn't like that her "secret" stirred nothing in me.  The next day R tells S that I said some judgmental things that I will not repeat, nor would they have ever come out of my mouth that young, and S showed up at my house with some friends ready to beat me up!  HOLY SHIT, I was scared... Like, scared for my life.  I remember my mom marched right outside and confronted everyone of those ladies and almost smacked them up; she called their parents (because she knew them) and she called the school to let them know what had happened.  She threatened the school and said that if anything happened to me while I was there, she would personally come and make sure the school was closed down... That's the type of woman my mom was (clearly, I learned a lot from her!).  I remember the teachers and other classmates asking me why they needed to ensure that R stayed away from me, and all I would say was that it was personal matters.  I never once again opened my mouth up about that story, ever again.  I never confronted R or actually, saw S again.  Mainly what this incident taught me was that I NEVER wanted to be near a "secret," fabricated or not, ever in my life again.  

I've done pretty well to steer clear of secrets.  Often if anyone tells me they have a secret, I do my best to tell them I don't really want to know anything (or I physically forget what they've told pretty quickly after the story is over)... I mean, I enjoy gossip like the next person, but I don't want to bear the weight of knowing things I shouldn't or don't really care about.  NOPE!!!  I feel like secretes weigh too much on me... on my soul.  I even think that secretes can hurt, so I do my best to not be involved in many.  Actually, I have this personal rule of transparency.  I rather be an open book, than have to have someone DIG to get information from me.  As I've stated many times in this blog, I am a big over-sharer. Anyhow... Secrets. Have them if you wish, but they're more than they're worth in my life.  

See more reflective prompts at April Moon 2014