We're survivors....

In so many ways.... but for now, we'll focus on surviving the 2ww and not getting the outcome we wanted [insert tears here].  For those that are not up to speed with the IVF/TTC/ABC/123 lingo, 2ww is the acronym for the 2 week waiting period after you have had an embryo transferred into your uterus.  This waiting period is the time necessary for the fertilized egg to develop into a blastocysts and attach onto the uterus wall becoming a fully fledged embryo, implanting itself and further going through its growth cycles.  Look at this pretty pic!!!

To catch you up to speed... During the ongoing stim process, Sujey had 5 noticeable follicles.  This worried us a bit, but we went into this thinking "QUALITY over quantity."  We were right! When Sujey was notified that she was nice and ripe [LOL], and went in for her egg retrieval (YEY!) they retrieved 4 pretty eggs...2 of them which survived to become beautiful budding flowers.  On day 3 after the retrieval I went in for an embryo [really, a fertilized egg] transfer.  Both procedures were pretty painless, though Sujey's was much more invasive.    We opted to insert both eggies into my uterus, as with age and other considerations the likely hood that at least one will stick is about 50% [with only a 20% chance for twins].  Thus, it got us to the 2ww mark.  

SOOOooooo... how did a very impatient girl survive the 2ww?  Glad you asked.... This process actually made me appreciate the extent of my scientific knowledge and really opened up my channels to research what might be happening inside of me day by day [that's called endless hours on Google fun].  I practiced some guided visual and audio meditation.  I enjoyed coming to work and chatting with my friends.  I tried my best to laugh as often as possible. I tried not to talk much about any of which was/might be going on in my body. I allowed my mind to wander off into what might be... and what I truly wanted it to be.  That actually was the hardest part. Sujey was much better at being positive than I am was. Actually, Sujey, overall, hid her anxiety really really well from me throughout these 2 weeks [Thank you, darling!].    

After being told that you can't have a biological child for so long, even though I had gotten this far in the process, it was hard to believe that I might be pregnant; but an amazing journey thus far, nonetheless. It's like my head went in circles around the topic all the time. Add to that my very deep rooted Latin@ superstition that has catered to many many many years of clout and doubt on every little thing in my life--- with a dash of belief in mal de ojo [or the eveil eye]. So for me to promote that this may be real... that I might have been pregnant...to say that I might be a mom...was unbelievable! But, after a long chat with a friend she more or less stated that we have to BELIEVE, otherwise it will never happen. Thus, I'm believing... we're believing.

So, the result was a negative pregnancy test; we're not having a baby, YET.  It sucks... really, it does.  It kinda hurts.  I am mad... utterly pissed, really.  Like, the mad where you want to blame someone, something, everything, but in the end there is no real explanation for what/whom you are blaming. The human self in my wants to continue to be mad.... the ever-understanding side of me just keeps saying hold your peace.  Stay in this moment and do something with it.  Keep exploring and believe.  And, today, WE still BELIEVE!!! We'll be moms... we'll hold on to the hope.  And, so we wait... <3

Cocktail, anyone?

When we lived in Vegas, that's probably the most common phrase we heard while hanging at the Casinos...."Cocktails, anyone?" Now, that phrase has a totally different meaning...It includes a number of medications, appropriate timing, and various injection sites for two very baby-happy people.

For our first try we've been asked to do an Estrogen Priming Protocol. This regimen is usually used for women who have a lower ovarian reserve, are higher in age (35+), who may not respond the greatest with the standard meds, and/or tend to ovulate very early and have problems with lead follicles developing before stimulation.  It's a two menstruation cycle process, where during month 1 Sujey went to get BW & U/S on day one of her cycle followed by a tracking of LH (hormone) surge and ovulation. Once she surged (and then ovulated) we had to count 10 days from that surge (1/1/14) and start on the Vivelle Estrogen patches.  The idea is to give the body about 5-7 days of Estrogen Priming to help the ovaries suppress FSH and preserve egg production before the next menstrual cycle.  The day following she started Garnarelix injections for 3 days to keep from producing FSH.

A few days after the start of estrogen and Garnarelix and Sujey has her period for menstrual cycle #2 [I've never been this excited for any menstrual cycle in my life!!]!  Thus the fun begins.... We both get blood tested on day 2 of her cycle [She for hormone & repro checking..and, I have been maintaining the use of Estradiol to keep my uterine lining at a steady place, thus the doc has to measure the progress of my lining, keeping it fresh & sticky before the transplant].  From here on out Sujey's cocktail regimen is as follows for about 10-12 days:

Gonal-F (a.m.) - 2 days+

Gonal-F (p.m.) - 3 days+

Menopur (p.m.) - 3 days?

hCG (p.m.) - 3 days?

Garnirelix (maybe for another 3 nights)

On the day of the egg retrieval, I start my Doryx (2x/day) - 4 days, Medrol - 4 days, and progesterone for about 12 weeks.... which will include up to our 8th week of pregnancy if everything goes as wanted with a pregnancy on our first try! Somewhere in there the egg & sperm will meet and the magical transfer will occur into my uterus.  WOW!!!!

Sooooooo... Here's to a few days of cocktails with different benefits than the ones we enjoyed in Vegas, but with much greater lasting effects!