One and only me (Day 15)

And, then there was (this) ONE!  Yes, that is the prompt of the day for April Moon 2014... one.  The one and only... one.  One as in me...one as in self. One is in finite, with no more.. the last one. One as in united. One as in a noteworthy example.  One as in whole. One as in Ohhhhhhmmmmmm.  But for today, I choose to write about one as in me.

I guess in a way, I have been writing for the past few days in search of a purpose... I wanted to re-find myself.  And, well, here I am... I haven't gotten too deep in this "finding" business, but I have gained some insight.  These reflections have drawn up a bit of focus... on me...my one!  It draws up on the centering of my self. Soooo...I acknowledge the following:  I AM MY ONE AND ONLY ME!  I am currently the only one that inhabits this particular body, this mind, and this soul. What you see, if what you get.. or rather, what I see, is what I get.

I constantly find myself trying to change me and/or hide behind all these insecurities I've built over time.  The statement above is truly just about acknowledging that this soul, these emotions and this physical body is truly the only one I've got and I have to remember that... and be thankful for it... honor it!  It's about acknowledging that I have to love my whole - every little bit of me - along with nourishing it for it to stay optimal.  

I realize that for some time I have been smothering my other half; that poor soul has had to deal with my ups and downs and be present with my emotions for some time now.  She has been good - great - to me... but, I have emotionally depended on her for a lot!  I have asked of her attention, her time, her love and her shoulder.  Most of it has been because I struggle with thoughts of losing her like I've lost so many other things in my life....but a real part of it is because I have lost myself over the past few years to insecurities, material/physical connections and other grand things.  I have neglected that at the root of it all I am my one and only me - seriously, from birth to death there is only one me!  To depend on others to make me happy or feel worth is such a weight; it can be crushing.  And, I openly apologize to her for the extra lbs recently.  I have to re-learn to be be one with myself and love me.  It's not easy, nor do I think that I will become this super-hero of self awareness overnight...but I can give it a go. It could only help, right? - especially as my wife and I are trying to welcome a being into this world. 

It's crazy how things happen, right?  How being part of a writing challenge has made me write, read and listen about my truths.. taking in accounts as if they weren't my own.  It has allowed me to stop and think... reflect.  Mission accomplished!  

This post is part of the April Moon reflective writing challenge.  Visit Kat McNally for this and other writing challenges by clicking on the logo below.  Happy writing!

Day 14: She and I

For the penultimate word of the April Moon 2014 reflective writing challenge, we were tasked with focusing on COMFORT.  And for the sake of brevity, I'm going to create a Top Ten Comfort List, a-la (David) Letterman.

10. Being barefoot
9.  Delicious, moist cake! (judge me all you want; I find some comfort in food!)
8.  Sleeping
7.  Traveling
6.  Creating things (anything!)
5.  My friends
4.  Thoughts of/signs from my mother
3.  My dogs
2.  My family, especially my sisters and their children
1.  I find the most beautiful and heart-warming comfort in my wife.  I remember within the first year of dating, I told her how much I felt like she provided me with safety...Like I wanted to crawl into her skin and just rest there for a bit because she provided my THAT calm (of course I know that sounds creepy, but there is no other way to describe the feeling I had). She provides me the same energy I [used to] get from my mother.  She makes me feel like nothing can happen to me in her arms.  Perhaps, I don't say it as much as I wish, but comfort truly is she and I! There is absolutely no mistake in our joining and the fact that we will both bring a lil being into the world together... And, they, too, will experience that comfort soon.  <3

I wish you all a happy lunar eclipse tonight and new moon tomorrow!  Make your comforting wishes and may they all come true.